Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Shine Your Light

I recently engaged in an excellent dialogue on a social media site about bullying (defined as persistent acts intended to make life unpleasant for another), and it got me to thinking about where the need to bully comes from.  It seems to me that there are two opposing views to love, and the view an individual holds defines their entire being.  The first view is that love is finite, as in "if you love me you cannot love her", or "any love that you have for him takes away from me".  The second view is that love is infinite; without bounds.  This view of love recognizes that love given is returned many times over, that love illuminates us, and that when love is present there is no need for fear.

No one who truly views love as infinite would ever be concerned that they hold a finite view of love, but it seems to me that many people who believe that it is finite try very hard  to convince others that they don't really feel that way.  {But the truth always comes out.}  Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who criticizes you, ridicules you, delights in embarrassing you?  That behaviour comes from finite viewing; they believe that what you have is missing in them, and the only way to possess it is to take it from you.  They truly believe that in order to shine, they must take away that which makes you shine.  It is this mindset that is at the heart of bullying.

Unfortunately, bullying happens in every type of relationship, and at every age.  It's a very real possibility that the bully you remember from the playground years ago is bullying someone right now; a spouse, child, co-worker, employee.  It's also very possible that he or she was bullied as well, by a parent, sibling or playmate.  It's a learned behaviour, but the good news is that it can be unlearned as well! 

Unlearning it is quite simple in theory, but the process can be very easy or extremely difficult, depending on the will of the person attempting the change.  All that is required is the release of fear and the acceptance of love as the one truth.  You may even know someone working to change their view right now.  Do you have a friend or family member who talks the most wonderful intentions, but falls short in actions?  That person may very well be attempting to view the world from a place of love, only to find themselves slipping back to fear.

I would like to suggest that the next time we see this happening, we reach out our hand, open our heart, and shine our light onto that person.  I believe that love freely given and willingly received is the most powerful weapon against fear and all that fear based thinking breeds.

And remember, the love that you send into the universe will come back to you in ways that you could never have imagined!

xoxo, Anita 


  1. This is a great insight into bullying, a complex behavior, and so many people oversimplify it. I like your analysis of the underlying layers of the basic outlook, the fear, and the response. I agree that it would be difficult for a bully to try to change the behavior, since it's tightly tied to everything else in his/her life.
    You are wise and kind to perceive what's inside of people with this problem, and to have compassion for them.

  2. my heart is standing up and cheering out loud over this!
    yes....a million times yes!
    so beautiful and brilliant and simple and profound.
    I want to show this to so many people.
    I loved every last drop of this post:)
    big yellow daffodil thanks,

    1. I'm with Jennifer, cheering for this! I am printing this out because I think I need to reflect more on this for myself. If I am critcizing someone I see as a bully, doesn't that make me a bully too? I am also letting others know about this post.

  3. Nothing to add but to say I completely agree and you are my hero! x


Dear friends,
Thank you for taking the time to comment! ! I want this to be a space of free and open dialog, within the boundaries of respect and basic human kindness. Whether we are in agreement or not, all comments will be published so long as they meet that requirement.
xo, Anita